Please join us for Part 2 of the Second Annual Blinky Awards...
Troy: "Our lives would be petty and meaningless without our material posessions wouldn't they folks? The producers of this show tell me that we are going to give an award for the Best Accessory, and here's a man who knows a little something about material posessions, Montgomery Burns and his lighthearted other half Waylon Smithers."
Burns: "Thank you Troy, yes I am exceedingly wealthy. I bet you'd all like to have a piece of it wouldn't you? Well, back I say, you ravenous dogs. You're not getting one ha-penny from me. Smithers, secure my belongings at once."
Smithers: "Yes sir, right after the show. As a collector myself, I know that even the best figure needs that extra touch of just the right accessory. Weather it be a practical clipboard, a video camera or even *sigh* a new hat, nothing brings out the full potential of a character like their accessories."
Burns: "Bah, a grown man collecting toys. It's shameful. Toys are for rich children. Any-who, The nominees for Best Accessory are:"
Handgun with Snake
Test Tube Rack w/Tubes with Professor Frink
Button Applicator with Dr. Hibbert
"How to Cook for Fourty Humans" book with Treehouse of Horrors II
Sax on the Beach with Bleeding Gums Murphy
Smithers: "And the award goes to the "Sax on the Beach" Album. Accepting the award is Bleeding Gums Murphy.
Bleeding Gums Murphy's ghost appears, glowing angelically.
Bleeding Gums: "Thank you everybody. I'm glad you all enjoy Sax on the Beach. It's what I want the world to remember me by. There's an old saying up here. The secret to life is..."
Cut to Comic Book Guy backstage in a cage, guarded by Lou and Eddie.
Comic Book Guy: "I can't believe I sold that album for only 500 dollars! I could easily have charged from one to two thousand! I wouldn't last two days as a Ferengi barkeep on Deep Space Nine." (Slaps forehead)
Cut back to Bleeding Gums Murphy.
Bleeding Gums: "...and that's why in heaven, you don't need crayons."
The audience applauds, and Bleeding Gums' ghost disappears.
Troy: "Don't we all wish we could come with one of those accessories? Every collector of the Simpsons World of Springfield line knows that the men and women at Playmates who sculpt the figures and playsets are extremely talented. However, much work is done by those who don't take home a paycheck from Playmates, and often their work is of the same caliber. Tonight we give a special honor to those fans who've taken it upon themselves to create a masterpiece that isn't scheduled to be released by Playmates (or sometimes wasn't at the time they made them), or just saw an overcrowded marketplace and said 'Me too, me too.' Here to present the award for Best Custom Figure are the oddest couple around, Principal Seymore Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers."
Skinner: "Hello and good evening. You know, being the superintendent of the Springfield School District is a job that..."
Superintenent Chalmers: "Skinner! That's my line."
Skinner: "Uh sorry sir, go ahead." (Under his breath) "It won't be by next year you slimy..."
Superintendent Chalmers: "I can still hear you Skinner. Now, on with the show. Being the superintendent of the Springfield School District is a job that let's me see tomorrow's future artists while they're still growing and developing their talents."
Skinner: "I'm told that this was the most difficult category to choose the nominees for, and it kept the Producers of the show up for days and days, trying to narrow the original more than 60 entries down to these 5 nominees. True story. The nominees for Best Custom Figure of 2001 are:"
Frank Grimes by Heads Up Customs
Retro Frink by Discogod
Droolin' Homer by Poppoman
Kilted Willie by nathang
Mojo by Baby Gerald
Superintendent Chalmers: "And the Blinky goes to Heads Up Customs for his Frank Grimes. Come up here and accept your award Chris."
Heads Up Customs: "Thank you to everyone who is a part of the wonderful community of the Simpsons Collector Sector. There are so many talented artists and customizers out there, and to be chose above them all is such a humbling honor. Although I know that it really means you will want more, and better customs. Ha ha! I am very grateful for your praise and hope that I can continue to deliver what you like. In the long run we are all winners because of all the talented and helpful people that continue to add to our World of Simpsons. Thank you once again for your support, and get ready for tons more from me!"
The audience applauds and Troy starts to come back to the podium.
Heads Up Customs: "Oh, and if I could, I would like to thank RalphRulez, vegasian, darkstar, all the moderators (tops in my book), Grimes for inspiring me to make his likeness as well as for posing for me, Homer for driving Grimes mad, Mr. Burns for hiring him, PinPal Jude, Wigwam, Randy, Monkeyking, Zen..."
Music begins to drown out his voice as stage hands begin to lead him off the stage.
Heads Up Customs: "...and everyone else I didn't have time to mention!"
Security now comes and finally drag Heads Up Customs off the stage.
Troy: "I'd just like to take a moment here folks, to applaud and give thanks for the many wonderful members who make custom figures and share them with the board. As much as we wanted to, we couldn't give an award to everybody, but the amount of work and time spent on their figures shows through, and never ceases to amaze the staff at the Simpsons Collector Sector. I'm pleased to present now, a collage of customs that have graced the Customs Corner forum, assembled by the moderator of that forum CletusTSJY, to acknowledge the hard work of our customizers with all the pictures he could dig up."
The audience goes into a frenzy of applause, whooping and hollering.
Casual Homer runs on stage and grabs the microphone.
Homer: "Id' like to thank Dollie14 for personally seeing to it that I was the highest selling figure this year. Woo! Yeah! Woo!"
Loud "Boo"s from the audience. Security tackles Homer, and then leads him off stage.
Troy: "I think I speak for all of us when I say 'Cookoo Cookoo.' Now, moving right al..."
Troy's mic goes dead, and there is a horrible scratching sound echoing throughout the auditorium. The picture fades, then clears up to reveal Kodos and Kang again.
Kang: "Yes, yes! Everything is going according to plan. While our superior technology is too far advanced to permit us to view the show as it is being broadcast, we have managed to connect to what you call the "internet." As soon as the awards show is finished, we will download the list of winners, and then our spaceship will begin picking up the winners. Puny weaklings, keep choosing your top picks, for they will soon be celebrating in our spaceship on the way back to Rigel 7. The gang-probulator is ready, and I've got an itchy trigger tentacle, so let's pick up the pace. Remember, there is no escape. We will be taking all the winners. A ha ha ha ha ha!"
More static and the picture returns to the awards ceremony.
Troy: "Good things come in pairs, don't they folks? A pair of pants, a double scoop ice cream sundae, De Ja Vu. Like Martin and Lewis, like Sonny and Cher, this next award goes to the Best Couple. Those inseperable figures that are worthless by themselves, and completed with their partners. Here to present the award are a wacky mismatched pair, Professor John Frink and Groundskepper Willie.
Frink: "It's great to be here Springfield, what with being your intellectual superior and all with the huge brain, and the powers that rule them all, mhey!"
Willie: "You're a weird one ain't ya. We're here tonight to present the award for Best Couple, something that obviously Willie isn't good enough to be nominated for. Just because I'm a foreigner, doesn't mean I don't have feelings too!"
Frink: "I love Foreigner! With the 'You're as cold as ice' glavin!" Ahem, ha, em... the nominees are:"
Kang & Kodos
"We are travelers from a certain nearby ringed planet."
Lenny & Carl
"Hey, you wanna come bowlin with us tonight?"
Itchy & Scratchy
Radioactive Man & Fallout Boy
"Only Fallout Boy can save me now."
Moe & Boxing Homer
"He's right. He ain't much on speeches."
Willie: "The winners, who obviously won't include Willie, are..."
Frink: "Wait a minute! I have already calculated the chances of you winning in my head, and indeed you have. What?! Oh for crying out Glavin, you couldn't possibly win. I guess I forgot to carry the one, Oy! The winners are Lenny and Carl."
Lenny and Carl make their way to the stage.
Lenny: "Wow, I never really figured me and Carl bein' a duo. I mean we're both seperate people, we just happen to work together and hang out at Moe's together."
Carl: "Yeah. I mean, me and Homer work together and hang out at Moe's too. Why don't you guys put me and him together huh? Oh I get it. It's because I'm black and Homer's white isn't it? A black man can't be paired with a white man? That's just..."
Lenny: "Carl... I'm white."
Carl: "...the way... What? You... you're white?"
Lenny: "Yeah. How could you not know I'm white? We hang out every day. We're the Best Couple in Springfield. How could you not know that about me?"
Carl: "Well you know.. it never came up in conversation or anything."
Lenny: "Well I tell you I'm white all the time. Maybe you just don't ever listen to anything I say. Or maybe it's all the beer we drink."
Carl: "Sure pal, we can go to the ice skating rink."
Lenny: "Oh boy, ice skating!
Lenny runs off the stage and Carl walks back to his seat.
Troy: "This year, the Blinky Awards are brought to you commercial free by "Mr. Sparkle" brand dish detergent, and Duff beer. Clean that glass with Mr. Sparkle, then pour a nice mug of Duff Extra Cold. Ah!
In every show, there are leading characters who steal all the focus, and then there is the supporting cast. They give a show that extra fullness that only comes from cramming more characters into a story than can fit on a 4 foot wide poster. Here to announce the nominees for Best Figure of a Supporting Character, Sideshow Mel and Sideshow Bob."
Sideshow Mel: "Thank you Troy, it's a pleasure to be here. Hello Robert."
Sideshow Bob: "Hello Melvin. So good to be here. You know, receiving an award has got the be the greatest honor one can achieve. Especially when it's a Blinky, the first and only award dedicated to those adorable collectible figures that have touched our hearts so much, the World of Springfield line."
Sideshow Mel: 'Geez Bob, why don't you take a little more of the monologue? The nominees for Best Figure of a Supporting Character are:"
"It's out of it's matrix! Nobody move!"
"Aye sir! Ya bath-takin' underpants-wearin' lilly hugger!"
Comic Book Guy
"Oh a sarcasm detector. Well that's a REAL useful invention."
"Aw nuts. I mean, uh... aw nuts."
Sideshow Bob: "The winner is Carl Carlson."
Carl makes his way to the stage, high-fiving everyone along the way.
Carl: "Sheesh, I just sat down. I mean, you could have just told me to stay up here or something. I mean, I just won Best Couple with my best friend Lenny there. Well, I really don't know what to say about this award. I certainly couldn't have done this without the support of my co-workers. Uh let's see, there's my boss Mr. Burns, ah Mr. Smithers..."
Camera moves to Lenny, who is anticipating acknowledgement.
Carl: "...I definitely gotta thank Homer, some other friends from Moe's..."
Lenny sits on the edge of his seat and his eyes widen.
Carl: "...there's Sam, Moe, Barney and L--"
Lenny begins to sigh.
Carl: "Larry, that's who it was. I can't believe I almost forgot. Anyway, thanks again!"
Lenny has an annoyed look on his face.
Troy: "Well isn't that just special? The next award to be presented is a new category this year. We wanted to know which figure collectors felt was most important to have in their collection. So we had them vote on it. Here to announce the nominees for Most Important Figure are town drunk Barney Gumble and local Honor Student Christmas Lisa Simpson."
Christmas Lisa: "Tonight we present the award for..."
Barney: "Hey Lisa, what happened to that red dress you're usually wearing?"
Christmas Lisa: "Everyone looked all over the place to buy one but they were already sold out. So I had to settle for this outfit, which cost me more than my red dress and was almost harder to find. Can we get on with the show now?"
Barney: "Sorry, sorry. We're presenting the award for Most Important Figure. The ones that everyone felt were most important to have in their collection."
Christmas Lisa: "The nominees are:"
Comic Book Guy
"Excuse me, no banging your head on the display case please!"
"Oh for crying out Glavin!"
"They taste like, burning!"
"My coat was stolen at last week's inter-faith banquet."
"Homer's illness was either caused by ingesting spoiled food, or *chuckle* some sort of Voodoo curse."
Barney: "And the Winner is Ralph Wiggum."
Chief Wiggum can be seen handing out cash to all of the members of Simpsons Collector Sector as Ralph walks up to the stage.
Ralph: "I won a prize. Do I have to solve a math problem?"
Skinner: "Of course not Ralph. Where do you think you are, Canada?"
Ralph: "You're a funny man. These lights are bright and it hurts my eyes. I'm gonna shut them."
Ralph closes his eyes, then starts to walk off stage. He trips and falls on his way down the stairs.
Nelson: "Ha ha!"
Photographs by blueduck37 with help from aga2k1.
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