Magazine:

Please join us for Part 1 of the Second Annual Blinky Awards...

Troy: "Thank you Kent, it's great to be here to host Springfield's third most prestigious awards ceremony. Welcome to the show everybody, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such made for TV movies as 'Devil Come Out: The Hunt for Martha Stewart', 'Yoinks, Zoinks and Yowza: The Language of Scooby Doo Decoded' and last year's Christmas masterpiece, 'If Santa's at the North Pole, Who's That Getting Drunk in the Brothel?'
We're here today to honor figures and playsets from Playmates' "World of Springfield" Interactive line of environments and figures. No segment of the Simpsons Collectibles market has seen such an explosive growth in content and consumer interest as the WoS line. Even though there are people who would destroy the real value of these colelctibles by inflating prices and driving true fans of the show to pay rediculous prices for a 5 inch piece of plastic they will open up and put on their shelves, eventually leading to people losing interest in paying inflated prices and saturating the market with tons of overpriced toys. But I digress. Let's get on with "The 2001 Blinky Awards".
Our first award this evening is the award for Best Simpsons Family Member Figure of 2001. Here to present the award are the only two faces in Springfield to have ever graced the cover of "Time" magazine, Man of the Century Ned Flanders and an Inanimate Carbon Rod.

Generous applause flows from the audience.

Flanders: "Well thankily-dank to everyone for that warm welcome. I'm just pickled tink to be here presenting an award today. You know rod, I've got a son named Rod. He's out there in the audience today. Stand up Roddy, say hi."

Rod Flanders: "Hi daddy."

Jimbo: "Nerd!"

Flanders: "Yes, we all heard him loud and clear. So rod, how's everything going for you?"

A closeup on the rod, which of course remains motionless. The audience erupts in laughter.

Homer: "I don't get it."

Flanders: "Well rod, we all would if we could reach.

Homer: "Oh! Now I get it."

Flanders: "The nominees for Best Simpsons Family Member Figure are:"

Christmas Lisa
"But I really want a pony..."

Casual Homer
"Boy, everyone is stupid except me."

Bartman
"Watch out, Radioactive Man!"

Christmas Marge
"You will not be getting a tatoo for Christmas!"

Christmas Homer
"Spill it Marge, where have you been hiding the Christmas money?"

Flanders: "And the winner is..."

Inanimate Carbon Rod: "..."

Flanders: "Alright I'll read it. The Blinky goes to... well my good diddly-oodness, it's Casual Homer! Get on up here Homer."

Casual Homer makes his way up to the stage in his underwear.

Casual Homer: "I'd like to officially thank the wonderful people who produce Duff Beer, without which I might choose to put on some clothes and spend quality time with my boring kids."

Marge: "HOMER!"

Casual Homer: "Oh, sorry Marge. OUR boring kids."

Homer winks and smiles.

Marge: "Hrmmm."

Casual Homer leaves the stage and Troy returns to the podium.

Troy: "Isn't that just like category number one winner? A ha ha ha. Everyone knows what makes Springfield tick, aside from the clocks that is."

Silence and blank stares.

Troy: "Tough crowd. It's the children of this fair city who really brighten our worlds isn't it folks?"

Cut to the audience, we see Agnes sitting next to Skinner. He is holding Krabappel's hand.

Agnes: "Yeah right."

Skinner: "Oh mother, you're such a character, but we still love you, don't we Edna?"

Krabappel: "Ha!"

Agnes: "Can it hussy!"

Troy: "Our next category honors the little rugrats, rapscalions and rejects in our town."

Troy: "Here to announce the nominees for Best Child Figure of 2001 are last year's winner, Wave 3's Milhouse Van Houten..."

Kearney: "Nerd!"

Troy: "... and honor student Martin Prince."

Kearney's voice: "Nerd number two."

Martin: "Number two?! I can't be number two! I must be the best at everything. What do I do?! What do I do!? Ahhhhhhh!!!"

Martin runs off stage screaming and we hear glass crashing.

Dr. Hibbert: "That boy needs some serious mental therapy." (chuckles)

Milhouse: "The nominees for Best Child Figure are:"

Ralph Wiggum
"Do you wanna play stuffed animal parade?"

Martin Prince
"Oh, pick me teacher! I'm ever so smart!"

Jimbo Jones
"Hey baby, my shirt's chafin' me. Mind if I take it off?"

Christmas Lisa
"Bart got a present early, then I should get a present early."

Milhouse as Fallout Boy
"Jimminy jilikers Radioactive Man."

Milhouse just stands there.

Troy: (whispering) "Kid, read the next line."

Milhouse: "But it says Martin's supposed to do that."

Troy: "Well, you're Milton now, just read the damn name of the winner!"

Milhouse: "I'm not Milton, I'm Milhouse. I don't have to take this, I was last year's winner! I'm a super star. Read it yourself, Mr. Romantic Abnormality."

Kirk Van Houten: "Ah Milhouse, just get back there and read the stupid card."

Milhouse: "I don't have to take your crap either weekend dad." Milhouse storms off the stage.

Troy: (embarrased) "Uh... the winner is Christmas Lisa. Come on up here!"

Christman Lisa, almost ecstatic, happily approaches the stage.

Troy: "Gotcha! The real winner is Ralph Wiggum, let's have him come up to the stage."

Lisa storms angrily back to her seat, the camera follows but stops at the Wiggum family.

Chief Wiggum: "Go on Ralphie, the stranger is offering you an award."

Ralph waddles up to the front.

Troy: "Why don't you say a few words, kiddo?"

Ralph: "Daddy says Mommy needs to lose ten pounds."

In the audience, a discerning look from Sarah Wiggum to her rather embarrassed husband.

Troy: "Give him a hand, everybody!"

Weak applause from the audience.

Troy: "Our next category contains figures that have been at the center of the hottest controversy this year. Exclusive figures have received mixed reviews ranging from "Best figure ever!" to "But she's got a new hat!". These are the guys you'd love to have, and hate to miss, the Best Exclusive Figure. The producers of this show took some precautions tonight to ensure that our exclusive buddies would be safe, by inviting scalpers to a phony awards show. A crack team of clever writers concocted just the thing to throw those scalpers into a frenzy. A phony invitation promising an appearance by The Be Sharps. Let's check in with our mountain cam, and have a little fun while we're at it."

Cut to mountain cam. Everyone is up to their knees in snow but still no one seems to have caught on and left.

Toyfare Employee : (shivering) "I sh..sh..sure hope that..t..t the show is g..g..going to start soon."

Troy's voice: "Is everybody in? Is everybody in? The show is about to begin."

Cut back to the Springfield auditorium where the audience erupts into laughter. Troy lowers the needle on a record player.
Cut back to the mountain cam. We begin to hear "Baby on Board."

Toyfare Employee : "Ooh! Ooh! It's the Be Sharps! I'm gonna get those too!"

Cut back to the Auditorium.

Troy: "Over my dead body you are. I think I remember those guys from such films as "Bundle Fever" and "Dirty Rotten Scalpers." Anyhow, let's bring out our next two presenters, Dr. Hibbert and Carl Carlson."

Dr Hibbert: "Good evening Springfield. Carl, you know I never would have imagined myself presenting an award at any type of ceremony."

Carl: "Yeah, me neither. I guess you could say we're movin' on up."

Dr. Hibbert: "Yes. To the east side. " (chuckles) "Homer was here. Hey, what's going on?"

Carl: "Hey, somebody get Homer away from the teleprompter."

Homer is sitting at the control station.

Homer: (Singing) "We finally got a piece of the pie-hi-i..."

We see Homer dragged off by security.

Carl: "The nominees for Best Exclusive Figure are:"

Kang
"We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us."

Kodos
"Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!"

Ranier Wolfcastle as Radioactive Man
"Up and at them!"

Pin Pal Burns
"Simpson, eh? Let's shut down this bowling scam right now."

Milhouse as Fallout Boy
"I think those X-rays gave me super powers."

Dr. Hibbert: "And the Blinky goes to the figure of Kang."

Troy recieves a Kang figure from the stagehand. As Troy makes his was back to the podium with Kang, Comic Book Guy jumps out from back stage and tackles him.

Comic Book Guy: "Yes! Another Treehouse of Horrors Two to sell at quadruple-retail!"

Eddie and Lou get up on the stage quickly and grab Comic Book Guy. They begin to drag him away.

Troy: "But, shouldn't you be at the phony awards show? We sent invitations to you all."

Comic Book Guy: "Oh yes, the matter of the phony awards show. I received the invitation. It was discarded faster than an Ensign who says, 'Hey, I've never seen one of these before.' The penmanship was terrible, there is no "Q" in the word "Simpsons" and Mindy was most definitely not married to 'Mark'! I immediately registered my disgust on my newsgroup alt.obsessive.nerd. But nobody else believed me and they all went to the top of the Murderhorne. Fools, yazuzu. I turn you into a duck."

Wiggum: "Alright that's enough from you 'Talker Texas Ranger.' We don't take kindly to scalpers in these parts. Bake him away toys."

Lou: "What chief?"

Wiggum: "Just get him off the stage Lou."

Troy: "What figure would be complete without accessories to go with them, right? But sometimes, you just aren't satisfied with what you get... Spolied brats.
Well you're in luck, because The Simpsons Collector Sector is full of members who've taken it upon themselves to create those wonderful accessories. Here to present the award for Best Custom Accessory are the lovely Patty and Selma.

Selma: "Thanks Troy. Hello everyone."

Patty: "Let's get on with it. My leg stubble is poking through my nylons, so I need to get home and shave."

Selma: "The nominees for Best Custom Accessory are:"

Mr. Sparkle Box by paul actionfig

Board with a nail in it by paul actionfig

Crab Juice by paul actionfig

Mojo by Baby Gerald

Blinky Platter by Heads Up Customs

Patty: "The Blinky goes to paul actionfig for his Board with a nail in it. Come up here and get your award Paul."

The Board with a Nail in it, makes its way up to the podium.

Selma: "Where's Paul? This is his award."

Board w/Nail: "I took care of him. I am a weapon of mass destruction you know."

Patty and Selma slowly back away from the podium.

Board w/Nail: "Umm, thank you. I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for Moe Syza... Shleazer... um, just Moe. He literally picked me up out of the gutter near that construction site, and thrust me into the face of the public. I have been defending the Earth from large disgusting creatures (like Barney) every since. Thank you!"

The Board w/Nail makes its way off stage and Troy returns.

Troy: "OK. We can all think of somebody we just can't get enough of and wish there were more of. To present the award for Best Variant Figure are two people who don't know the meaning of the word variant... Wave 1's Homer and Bart Simpson."

Homer: "Woo hoo! I won, I won. Woo!"

Bart: "No you didn't Homer."

Homer: "But the famous guy just said my name. Ere go, I win."

Bart: "He was just announcing us as presenters."

Homer: "Are you sure? I mean, shouldn't I win by default? After all quantity counts more than quality, right?"

Bart: "If that's the case, you should win with just your stomach."

Homer: "Why you little!"

Homer chokes Bart for a second until a light drops from the rafters and hits him on the head.

Homer: "D'oh!"

Bart: "The nominees for Best Variant Figure are:"

Milhouse as Fallout Boy
"These aren't real X-rays, are they?"

Casual Homer
"OK, OK. I didn't ask for your life story."

Bartman
"Buy me Bonestorm or go to hell!"

Boxing Homer
"Homer Simpson, nerd buster."

Mascott Homer
"Woo hoo! We won, we won!"

Homer: "And the winner is Alien Ship Homer! Woo hoo!"

Bart: "What? He wasn't even nominated. Give me that card. The award goes to my good friend Milhouse as Fallout Boy."

Fallout Boy makes a dramatic entrance, swinging onto the stage and dropping just a few feet shy of the podium, landing on his face. He stands up, shakes it off and walks over to the microphone.

Milhouse: "Uh, I'd like to say thanks to my mom, weekday dad, weekend dad, my best friend Bart..."

Troy: "Why don't you say just the line we've all been waiting for?"

Milhouse: "No! I'm more than a catchphrase!"

Troy leans close and whispers.

Troy: "Just say the line, kid."

Milhouse: (disappointed) "Jiminy jilickers."

The audience roars with applause, and Milhouse takes the Blinky and leaves.

For more exciting awards and filler material, click here to continue.

Photographs by blueduck37 with help from aga2k1.

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