Part 8 of the Third Annual Blinky Awards
Bill: "Well, it says here that the next presenter Mr. Hans Moleman. Mr. Moleman, would you care to step up here?"
Hans: "Alright, just give me a minute."
Just as Hans makes it to the stage a huge spacecraft appears. Out slither Kang and Kodos with their laser guns. They immediately blast Hans. He lays on the stage, aflame, but no one puts him out.
Hans: "Oh my..."
Kang: "Greetings, Earthlings! I am Kang."
Kodos: "And I am his sister, Kodos. We are here to present the Blinky Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Simpsons Collecting Excellence."
Kang: "Simpsons Collecting? That sounds like a novel idea! Kodos, once we have left this preposterous event be sure to set the tractor beam on our ship for 742 Evergreen Terrace. I'll ready the probes by securing them in the Space Fridge for maximum discomfort."
Marge: (From the audience) "Kids, I think we'll stay at a Motel Six tonight..."
Kodos: "This award is presented to that member of the Simpsons Collecting community whom has devoted a significant amount of time and effort to help the rest of the collecting community."
Kang: "Pfft. Only humans could think that devoting precious time to toys is important. Now hurry and read these nominees so we can get out of here and back to our game of Pong on the ship."
Kodos: "Very well. The nominees are..."
Kang: "It appears that only humans were nominated! Very well, let the humans have their ridiculous award. The winner is...Michael Crawford MWC!"
Kodos: "You are not to exceed two minutes or you will be disintegrated!"
Michael Crawford MWC: "I'd like to thank the Academy...oh, wait...wrong speech...here it is. Thank you for bestowing this honor upon me. If they ever create a geek hall of fame, receiving an award like this is sure to improve my chances of getting in! It's nice to know that the effort put into getting the latest info, building solid relationships with Playmates, various retailers and other manufacturers, and throwing in my two cents here and there is worthwhile to everyone. All of the folks that work here at SCS appreciate the people who post, email and read the site. All the work is to create the best Simpsons environment we can, and we're glad to see by your comments and reactions that we're successful. An award like this really belongs to all of us. But if any of you try to touch it, I'll break your fingers. Thank you!"
Kang and Kodos return to their ship and fly away.
Marty: "To present the award for Best Child Figure we would like to introduce Springfield Elementary School's Principal Seymour Skinner, and his most prized student, Lisa Simpson."
Lisa: "Greetings, citizens of Springfield. Principal Skinner and I are here tonight to present the award for Best Child Figure of 2002."
Skinner: "That's right Lisa. And while I'm not completely happy with these so called "action figures" and the additional rowdiness I'm sure they will bring to the school yard, I AM happy to announce that all but one of these nominees are the product of Springfield Elementary School, no longer nicknamed "The Most Illiterit-iest School in the State." Springfield Elementary where 'We Learns 'em Good!"'
Lisa: (sigh)...Anyway, before we announce the nominees, I would like to point out the ridiculousness of this ceremony while I have the opportunity. Awards like these mean nothing in the real scheme of things. They're created solely to further boost the egos of those people whom already have a great self-image. And putting children in a situation where they will be judged up against each other is deplorable, especially with the amount of competition and ridicule that a child already faces from his or her peers in regular day to day life. Remember kids, Regardless of which child wins this award the other nominees are not "losers" You are all still worthy human beings."
Skinner: "Oh, you're just saying that because you weren't nominated this year, aren't you?"
Skinner: "Well then, enough mindless chit chat, it's time to announce the nominees. I have to get home to mother. She's got a hangnail and needs my help."
Lisa: "And the nominees for Best Child Figure of 2002 are..."
Skinner: "The winner is our own foreign exchange student, Uter! Come on up here and say a few words."
Uter: "I am most delighted to receive this award! There are many people I vish to..."
Uter begins to look at the Lardlad's employee, who is carrying some donuts...
Uter: "I vish to thank...Oh I can't take it, I need sugar!"
Uter runs after a scared Squeaky-voiced Teen, who begins to run away.
Squeaky-voiced Teen: "Mr. Wembly, it's happening again!"
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