Part 7 of the Third Annual Blinky Awards
Marty: "Well, that was interesting. Our show should air an extra hour just because of the length of that segment, so let's speed things up and bring out our next presenters."
Bill: "Our next pair of presenters can be sure to be seen together."
Marty: "Because, once the first one is done working on you'll need the second one to get your money back."
Bill: "Here are Dr. Nick Riviera and Lionel Hutz."
They walk on stage.
Dr. Nick: "Hi Everybody!"
Everyone in the audience: "Hi Dr. Nick!"
Dr. Nick: "Folks, tonight Mr. Hutz and I are here for a very important reason."
Lionel Hutz: "That's right. I am here to file a class action lawsuit against the Simpsons Collector Sector on behalf of everyone who lost at tonight's awards."
Dr. Nick: "Yes, and I'm here because I can make a lot of money! I might just make enough to stop using the same tongue depressors since 1994, and I can buy a set of surgical tools that consist of more than just a spork!"
Lionel Hutz: "We're also here to present the award for Best Non-WoS Item of the year 2002. Non-WoS items are items that are not part of the World of Springfield line of action figures. They can be from any company."
Dr. Nick: (Pretending to read the cue cards) "Let see here. It appears that my very own product, Sun And Run: The Suntan Lotion That's Also a Laxative is one of the Non-WoS items nominated for this award."
Lionel Hutz: (acting very phony) "GASP! Is that true? Well, it must be a mighty fine product then. You wouldn't happen to be selling it tonight, would you?"
Dr. Nick: (also phony) "Oh Mr. Hutz, you must be able to read minds. I just happen to have a stand set up right down the street, where I'll be selling all my wonderful products after the show!"
Lionel Hutz: (still phony) "Wow! Really? How much are you asking for?"
Dr. Nick: "The lotion is $19.95, and comes with a free liver transplant to the first 100 customers."
Lionel Hutz: "Is that so? Well, since you offer the free liver I know I want to be one of the first customers!"
Hutz takes a very quick sip from a hip flask that he is hiding under his coat.
Lionel Hutz: "Mmmmm...that's good whiskey!"
Dr. Nick: "Now, aside from my wonderful product, the other nominees for Best Non-WoS Item are..."
Lionel Hutz: "And the winner is the Season 2 DVD! Look for me and Dr. Nick in 'Bart gets hit by a car!"'
Kent Brockman: "Enough with the shameless plugs, Mr. Hutz. This award-winning newsman does not want to degrade the quality of this show with advertising. The type of quality you might expect from a cold can of Duff Beer, ahh yes, Duff. Cold. Refreshing. Duff. Next, presenting the Best Supporting Character award, Captain McCallister and Professor Frink!"
Captain McAllister: "Thank you, Kent. Supporting characters, what is the appeal of a supporting character?"
Prof. Frink: "Is it the outrageous catchphrases that they say, GLAVEN!?"
Captain McAllister: "YARRRR! I'm sure that has something to do with it, but it's also something more. A supporting character is like a good anchor for a boat. They're always there to hold the audience and keep them entertained. You can depend on a supporting character to always be the same. You need not worry about what's in their futures."
Prof. Frink: "Indeed! In fact I have seen the futures of the following nominees, and while they are not all bright, I do know who will win tonight's award for Best Supporting Character. For the sake of you people in the audience without the technology to see through time I will now announce them in a clear and concise fashION! MMMHEY!"
Captain McAllister: "And the winner be...Dr. Nick Riviera!"
Dr. Nick: "Hi everybody!"
Crowd: "Hi Dr. Nick!"
Dr. Nick: "I'd like to thank everyone who testified on my behalf! I'd also like to thank the Shelbyville Community College, without which I might not have gotten the associate degree necessary to be a doctor!"
- Install the Akbar Font
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