Magazine:

Part 7 of the Third Annual Blinky Awards

MartyMarty: "Well, that was interesting. Our show should air an extra hour just because of the length of that segment, so let's speed things up and bring out our next presenters."

BillBill: "Our next pair of presenters can be sure to be seen together."

MartyMarty: "Because, once the first one is done working on you'll need the second one to get your money back."

BillBill: "Here are Dr. Nick Riviera and Lionel Hutz."

They walk on stage.

Dr. Nick and Lionel Hutz

Dr. NickDr. Nick: "Hi Everybody!"


Everyone in the audience: "Hi Dr. Nick!"

Dr. NickDr. Nick: "Folks, tonight Mr. Hutz and I are here for a very important reason."

Lionel HutzLionel Hutz: "That's right. I am here to file a class action lawsuit against the Simpsons Collector Sector on behalf of everyone who lost at tonight's awards."

Dr. NickDr. Nick: "Yes, and I'm here because I can make a lot of money! I might just make enough to stop using the same tongue depressors since 1994, and I can buy a set of surgical tools that consist of more than just a spork!"

Lionel HutzLionel Hutz: "We're also here to present the award for Best Non-WoS Item of the year 2002. Non-WoS items are items that are not part of the World of Springfield line of action figures. They can be from any company."

Dr. NickDr. Nick: (Pretending to read the cue cards) "Let see here. It appears that my very own product, Sun And Run: The Suntan Lotion That's Also a Laxative is one of the Non-WoS items nominated for this award."

Lionel HutzLionel Hutz: (acting very phony) "GASP! Is that true? Well, it must be a mighty fine product then. You wouldn't happen to be selling it tonight, would you?"

Dr. NickDr. Nick: (also phony) "Oh Mr. Hutz, you must be able to read minds. I just happen to have a stand set up right down the street, where I'll be selling all my wonderful products after the show!"

Lionel HutzLionel Hutz: (still phony) "Wow! Really? How much are you asking for?"

Dr. NickDr. Nick: "The lotion is $19.95, and comes with a free liver transplant to the first 100 customers."

Lionel HutzLionel Hutz: "Is that so? Well, since you offer the free liver I know I want to be one of the first customers!"

Hutz takes a very quick sip from a hip flask that he is hiding under his coat.

Lionel HutzLionel Hutz: "Mmmmm...that's good whiskey!"

Dr. NickDr. Nick: "Now, aside from my wonderful product, the other nominees for Best Non-WoS Item are..."

  1. BK Creepy Classics
  2. BK Talking Watches
  3. Season 2 DVD
  4. Faces of Springfield figures
  5. Episodic Mini Figures

Lionel HutzLionel Hutz: "And the winner is the Season 2 DVD! Look for me and Dr. Nick in 'Bart gets hit by a car!"'

Best Non-WoS

Kent BrockmanKent Brockman: "Enough with the shameless plugs, Mr. Hutz. This award-winning newsman does not want to degrade the quality of this show with advertising. The type of quality you might expect from a cold can of Duff Beer, ahh yes, Duff. Cold. Refreshing. Duff. Next, presenting the Best Supporting Character award, Captain McCallister and Professor Frink!"

Captain McCallister and Professor Frink

Captain McAllisterCaptain McAllister: "Thank you, Kent. Supporting characters, what is the appeal of a supporting character?"

Prof. FrinkProf. Frink: "Is it the outrageous catchphrases that they say, GLAVEN!?"

Captain McAllisterCaptain McAllister: "YARRRR! I'm sure that has something to do with it, but it's also something more. A supporting character is like a good anchor for a boat. They're always there to hold the audience and keep them entertained. You can depend on a supporting character to always be the same. You need not worry about what's in their futures."

Prof. FrinkProf. Frink: "Indeed! In fact I have seen the futures of the following nominees, and while they are not all bright, I do know who will win tonight's award for Best Supporting Character. For the sake of you people in the audience without the technology to see through time I will now announce them in a clear and concise fashION! MMMHEY!"

  1. Hans Moleman
  2. Disco Stu
  3. Hank Scorpio
  4. Cletus
  5. Dr. Nick Riviera

Captain McAllisterCaptain McAllister: "And the winner be...Dr. Nick Riviera!"

Best Supporting Character

Dr. NickDr. Nick: "Hi everybody!"


Crowd: "Hi Dr. Nick!"

Dr. NickDr. Nick: "I'd like to thank everyone who testified on my behalf! I'd also like to thank the Shelbyville Community College, without which I might not have gotten the associate degree necessary to be a doctor!"

continue to the next section

- Install the Akbar Font

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